2022—R U Joking?
To wear the T-shirt gratis isn’t cool. That one you got with your gym membership for your tris and bis, traps, and lats — won’t make it to June if you don’t commit. Now.
The gym’s complimentary cloth assuagement stars the icons of motivation: Elliptical. Carrot. Dumbbell. Psh. Nah.
Sport a spandex shirt with an inspirational phrase screaming at you: Get ‘er. Work Hard, Play Harder. Colonel Farnster’s World of Cheese, Ride and General Store.
Your one genuine skin-shaming cover-up groans commitment to liftin’. Pressin’. Curlin’. Ballin’. To all the app-carrying health clubbers who swear by this torso-taming textile, I’m in it.
I’m no gym copy motherfucker in a white crewneck, which does not flatter you — your neck’s short — only wear scoops or v’s. Amateur.
Also, you’re pale. Don’t wear white. It makes you look wan — that’s a word I just learned.
Girl, should you even go to the gym — you just got out of TB quarantine — how’d you get TB nowadays?
What kind of lifestyle do you follow — no wonder your ankle wobbles when you lunge, and your pelvis tilts the wrong way.
Never wear the T-shirt you paid for when you joined the gym. Not cool. June is in seven weeks.
Published April 25, 2022 by R U Joking?
Photo by Haryo Setyadi on Unsplash
